


I try to picture me without you but I can't

by Miyukitty



Series: SASOikawa 2016 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Ambiguous Relationships, Bickering, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insomnia, Iwaizumi Hajime Swears, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Pining, SASO 2016, Sappy Ending, Self-Indulgent, Series Spoilers, Teen Angst, Texting, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:10:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7289797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukitty/pseuds/Miyukitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the prompt: <i>"Hey, make sure you don't stay up all night."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	I try to picture me without you but I can't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ambivia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambivia/gifts).



> Written for SASO2016 BR2 prompt: [official art](https://40.media.tumblr.com/2431a1bc0f602a970226769c07a7fcf4/tumblr_inline_nsgg4e6VeH1t6h2du_540.png)
> 
> Possibly one of the most mindlessly self-indulgent things I've ever written because I literally stayed up all night to do it (in my defense, it's my birthday??) ~~I can't believe I willingly wrote about the dreaded G-word though... :D;;;~~
> 
> Supposed to be set in canonverse but after [this extra](http://ladder-chan.tumblr.com/post/125829628173/extra-story-from-vol-17-the-fight-isnt-over-raw) ~~which I desperately want animated in S3~~. How is their canon relationship this sappy, I just... asdasdas.

 

 

 

Oikawa swung his legs idly as he perched atop the empty desk, watching as Iwaizumi packed his bag. He chose to hum a tuneless pop song as he kicked into the air, waiting, waiting. He pretended to be impatient, but he wouldn't leave until Iwaizumi was ready. 

  
  
"Hey, make sure you don't stay up all night," Iwaizumi muttered as he shouldered his bag and stood.

  
  
Oikawa stilled. He cocked his head at an angle and smirked, a challenge gleaming in his eyes. The bickering was an old routine, comforting in its repetition.

  
  
"I do what I want," he replied airily, and ducked Iwaizumi's swipe with practiced ease. He slid off the desk and slung his own bag carelessly over his shoulder, still grinning.

  
  
"Fine, look like literal crap in the photos tomorrow," Iwaizumi countered, as he crowded past Oikawa on his way out the door. Oikawa chased after him with an offended gasp.

 

They were the last two to leave the classroom. The hallways were mostly empty save for a few classmates cleaning their lockers. He trailed at Iwaizumi's heels, walking too-closely and bumping into him and trying not to think about why his book bag was so light now. 

  
  
"So vulgar, Iwa-chan! I'll look radiant as always if I stand next to you!"

  
  
Oikawa laughed at his own joke, but it rang hollow, and the plastic smile stretched a little too thin over his teeth. Something didn't quite feel right, even though he was trying to stay positive. It wouldn't fool Iwaizumi – not when this too was routine.

 

 

* * *

 

  
  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[10:28]: gonna change and shower now

[10:29]: turning off phone. good night assikawa

[10:32]: btw this is ur contact pic

[Attached image: oikawa_fish.jpg] 

  
[11:47]: hey. u still awake.

 

  
Oikawa paused the video when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. The frame was frozen mid-serve, a blurry volleyball suspended above the setter's head.

 

His guilty gaze flicked to the laptop's clock – damn, how was it this late already? – as he decided whether or not to reply. His fingers drummed against his thigh. Well, it wasn't like he could ignore him.

  
  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[11:52]: ……no?

 

  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[11:52]: dumbass!!

[11:53]: go to bed, shittykawa!!

  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[11:58]: i will when i finish watching something ;P

[11:59]: it's almost over, i promise. don't worry or you'll get wrinkles.

[11:59]: you can't afford MORE wrinkles.

  
  
  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[12:01]: as long as it's just some stupid scifi movie

[12:01]: go to bed as soon as it's over. don't start the sequel or watch the special features or whatever

[12:02]: and you better be wearing your glasses. don't ruin your shitty eyesight

[12:03] im going to bed for real tho. like a responsible adult. see you tomorrow

  
  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[12:04]: it's after midnight so i'll see you later today iwachan ;)

 

 

* * *

 

  
He waited for a moment, smiling to himself in the soft electronic glow of the screen. Iwaizumi didn't reply, so Oikawa had to imagine the annoyed grunt and whatever insult his tiny vulgar brain would conjure up. (Something about being annoying, followed by some sort of poop reference? Iwaizumi's vocabulary left a lot to be desired.)

  
  
He sighed, bored of waiting, and set his phone down on the desk.

 

Then he settled his chin back on his knees, hugged his legs to his chest, and resumed the recording of the volleyball match. His chest ached with the weight of the memories he had carved into his soul. He knew every play by heart, but his pulse still spiked with each miraculous save.

 

He would never stop being proud. It really was their finest performance.

 

* * *

 

  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[2:14]: if your biceps get any bigger you'll have to cut the sleeves off all your uniforms

[2:16]: seriously what is up with those spiker arms. how much can you bench now.

[2:17]: you should ttly arm wrestle kyouken-chan again. for old times sake. and let me watch.

  
  
  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[2:18]: wtf you woke me up for this 

[2:19]: i'm gonna kick your ass

  
  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**  
  
[2:21]: EHHHHHH???

[2:21]: i thought you turned off your phone for the night

[2:22]: why didn't you turn off your phone? that was dumb of you.

  
  
  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[2:24]: stfu

[2:24]: go 

[2:24]: to

[2:24]: bed

[2:25]: ...why are you thinking about my arms anyway

  
  
  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[2:28]: embarrassed?? im always thinking about your arms iwa-chan they are a national treasure ;) ;) ;)

  
  
  
**Received from: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
[2:29]: im blocking this number

[2:29]: goodbye forever shittykawa

 

 

* * *

  
  
  
Oikawa snickered and plugged his phone on the charger. He liked that he could still tease Iwaizumi enough to drag hollow threats out of him. It was the pattern of back-and-forth they fell into so effortlessly since they were kids, and it just kept going.

  
  
He hoped the momentum wouldn't run out when phones were all they had to connect them (and Iwaizumi really could block his number if he got sick of his pestering). 

  
  
His gaze slid back to the screen where he'd paused the game. Iwaizumi's image stared determinedly back at him, teeth bared in animal aggression, frozen in mid-air as he slammed a spike. His jersey was drenched in sweat this late in the game, fabric clinging to his broad shoulders and chest. The timing was perfect. 

  
  
Oikawa exhaled slowly, committing the curves and angles to memory. He had no regrets about this game. He'd given everything he had, and so had Iwa and Mattsun and Maki and everyone else. 

  
  
It wasn't anyone's fault that they still came up short.

  
  
He touched the space bar, and watched grimly as black and orange jerseys cut into the camera's view, swarming to block the spike.

  
  
It didn't go well from that point on, but he always saw it through to the bitter end.

 

* * *

 

  
**Sent to: ❤ iwa-chan ❤**

  
  
[4:07]: what if i skip tomorrow

  
[4:08]: what happens if you skip graduation

  
[4:08]: do you just not graduate

 

 

* * *

 

Oikawa stared at the ceiling above his bed. He finally turned off his laptop, but it did him little good when he was still playing on his phone. His body buzzed with restless energy the way it did before a match, only now there was no promise of release. He would have snuck out for a run if he didn't think the sound of the front door would wake his parents.

  
  
The phone vibrated in his hands, and he nearly dropped it on his face.

  
  
He blinked slowly, sluggish thoughts catching up with the display. Incoming call.

  
  
Oikawa slid his fingertip over the name and laid the phone against his ear.

  
  
Iwaizumi didn't speak right away. Oikawa listened to the steady sound of his breathing. He rustled under the covers, curling onto his side and settling in.

  
  
_"…I can't sleep either,"_ Iwaizumi finally admitted over the line.

  
  
Oikawa exhaled in a hum.

  
  
_"I know it's stupid and cliché and all, but. Three years really did go by fast."_

  
  
"Sure," Oikawa muttered. He twisted his fingers in the blanket, lips pulling into a frown. It was frustrating to not have practice anymore. He had too much energy, especially now that exams were over. He itched to play, to improve. 

  
  
_"You were watching the Karasuno match again, weren't you. How many times tonight?"_

  
  
Oikawa flinched. His guilty silence betrayed him.

 

Iwaizumi growled through the receiver.

  
  
_"Stop torturing yourself with that. Dammit, Tooru, you can't change what's been done, so-"_

  
  
"It's not about that," Oikawa quickly interjected, voice pitched high. The covers rustled as he readjusted. "I swear that's not why. It's just… it's our last game."

  
  
_"…Don't get sentimental now. We'll have volleyball in university. It's not the end of anything, it's the beginning."_

  
  
"You know what I mean. The last time we were on the same side of the court. The last time we ever wore the same colors. The last time you were my ace and I was your setter," Oikawa whispered.

 

It was the simple truth. They both fell silent. 

 

Oikawa knew he shouldn't dwell on the things he didn't have the power to change. He knew it, and he didn't even want to bring it up, but somehow the late hour and the quiet darkness of the room enabled him to put it into words that he couldn't say during the day. He was so grateful for everything, so proud, and yet couldn't shake the longing he felt when he saw Iwaizumi on screen in familiar mint green and white, the symbol all of the old routines he wanted to cling to.

 

He was honestly looking forward to the new chapter in his life, but selfishly, hypocritically, he was resisting everything that would change because of it. And now there was no more time left to pretend it would stay the same forever - that the one constant in his life would no longer be at his side. They had seen each other every single day for as long as he could remember.

 

Separation was going to break his heart. That too was simple truth. 

  
  
He didn't know what he wanted anymore, but his chest ached when he thought about where he'd be standing in just a few hours, smiling at proud relatives and their endless camera flashes and pretending he wasn't going to fall to pieces as soon as he was alone. From there it would be a short leap to packing, moving into a dorm, getting used to a new city. He would have to face it soon, but not at this moment.

 

Not if he stayed awake to see it coming.

  
  
_"…You should get some sleep while you still can,"_ Iwaizumi murmured. _"I'll stay on the line with you."_

  
  
"Is this practice for when we're at college?" Oikawa chuckled bitterly. He hated how complicated he was sometimes, how irrationally needy he felt, and curled more tightly around himself. He thought about hanging up. But he never hung up first. 

  
  
_"Yeah, I guess,"_ Iwaizumi answered honestly. There was a pause, during which Oikawa swallowed around the lump in his throat. _"I'll call you every night if I have to. Just to make sure you're taking care of yourself when I'm not there to kick your ass in person."_

  
  
Oikawa scoffed.

  
  
"Every night? That's pretty clingy, Iwa-chan. Not a very attractive quality."

  
  
_"No shit,"_ Iwaizumi retorted without hesitation, startling a laugh from Oikawa.

  
  
They both fell silent for a moment.

  
  
"…A partner to rely on," Oikawa whispered to himself, working through his thoughts aloud. 

  
  
_"I'll always be that,"_ Iwaizumi promised. _"Seriously, Tooru, close your eyes and try to rest. I'll try too. It's gonna suck to do this on zero sleep."_

  
  
"It's gonna suck no matter what," Oikawa sulked. He buried his face into his pillow.

  
  
_"Are you gonna make me say it again."_

  
  
"…No."

  
  
_"Too late."_

  
  
"Nooo," Oikawa whined, voice muffled. "Embarrassing."

  
  
_"Coming from you, that's rich,"_ Iwaizumi laughed.

  
  
The phone was warm against his ear. He blinked drowsily, breath gusting against the receiver as he waited.

  
  
_"You know I love you, Tooru."_

  
  
Oikawa was glad Iwaizumi couldn't see him to tease him about his expression. He scrunched his nose as the sappy smile fought its way across his lips. He still wasn't used to hearing it aloud, even if the feeling had grown steadily between them over the many years they'd been together as friends, neighbors, _partners_.

 

He made a small noise and burrowed his face deeper into the pillow.

  
  
_"No matter where you are, I'm still gonna love you. You're stuck with me. So stop worrying about the future, dumbass. Move forward without hesitation. Focus on what's in front of you now, one day at a time."_

  
  
"Such a romantic," Oikawa tried to tease, but his voice hitched unconvincingly in the middle.

 

He wished Iwaizumi was there in person, but the presence of his voice through the speaker was comforting too. In the dark beneath the covers, Oikawa could finally feel the tension unwinding from his keyed-up body.

  
  
"Love you too, Hajime," he mumbled. 

  
  
_"Good night."_

  
  
"…See you soon."

 

Oikawa didn't hang up. Neither did Iwaizumi, whose breathing he could still hear faintly through the static. Iwaizumi probably turned it to speakerphone since he didn't like holding it to his face, but Oikawa liked having something in his hands. He plugged the charger in so the battery wouldn't die overnight, and nestled into his pillow. 

 

He hesitated, cheeks pink, before bringing his phone to his lips for a quick kiss.

 

As his face burned, Oikawa prayed that Iwaizumi never realized he was going to do that every night they were apart.

 

**Author's Note:**

> if my iwa-chan is reading this, ilu too ( ๑ ゝ ڡ ◕ ๑ )♥ 


End file.
